


Harley's Last Hurrah

by alittlegreenrosetta



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Best Friends, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Heartbreak, Mental Breakdown, Revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 01:45:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15474756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlegreenrosetta/pseuds/alittlegreenrosetta
Summary: Loving the Joker hadn't driven Harley mad but accepting the idea that he was dead would be her final step into utter madness. Instead she decides to find her Puddin', to have faith that he's out there and will come back to her again soon. He just needs something fun to attract his attention, like a party. A home coming party with Batman and plenty of violence would be just the thing to bring the Joker back home.





	Harley's Last Hurrah

Harley looked around the room one last time to make sure everything was just perfect. It wasn’t. Not really, nothing could be perfect without Mr. J here with her but then that was the point of this whole party. It was a welcome home party for her Puddin’. They’d told her he was gone forever, that he couldn’t come back. That he was… no she wouldn’t even think the word. If she did she just knew that the thin frayed rope holding her together would snap and she’d fly to pieces. She just needed to be patient and make sure everything was right for this party. It was a fool proof plan, heck she’d even thought it all up while sitting at the Joker’s desk, just where he had made so many great plans when he’d been… home, when he’d been here at home with her. Which is where he would be again very soon. Everything had gone perfectly so far. She’d made her plans, bought the decorations and food, bought a special new dress and sent out the invitations. The party guests had been difficult but they were essential. She needed a reason for him to come. Something very important had kept him away for days and he knew his Harley would be a good girl while he was away so he didn’t worry about how long he was gone but people kept telling her such awful things, she had to see him. And just to make sure he’d come she’d invited all the right people.

No matter how good Harley was at throwing a party she knew Batman wouldn’t show up without some really powerful motivation so Harley had invited everyone he cared about. Even a solitary creature like the Dark Knight could be lured out of his cave with the right bait. Mr. J would have kidnapped his friends and family. And it would have worked, Batman would have shown up, no doubt about. Of course then Batman would have been really angry and had a bunch of friends right there to help him kick Mr. J’s ass. Harley didn’t think like the Joker, she didn’t have his knack for looking at the world and seeing the joke in everything. Harley was better at just doing whatever needed to be done to allow her to be with Mr. J or to make Mr. J happy. So Harley, not having the Joker’s sense of humor, hadn’t kidnapped or tortured Batman’s family. No, she’d just done the easiest most obvious thing, she’d killed them. She looked around the room at her guests with that thought. It was a little embarrassing really and she was fully prepared to accept any punishment Mr. J thought was fair for her lack of creativity. She’d just put a bullet in their heads before they even knew she was there. No speech about how she was doing this for her Puddin’, no fight to see who was superior. Just bang, you’re dead. She didn’t have the time or inclination to take up the mantle of the Joker, she just wanted the man himself back.

So there they were, arranged around the room like they were just very quietly waiting for the fun to start. The goons Harley had bullied into serving drinks and food at the party were all standing as far from the guests as possible which of course was terrible serving etiquette but Harley wasn’t so far gone that she thought these guests would be interested in a mini corndog on a fancy frilled toothpick.  She had still shown enough respect for the dead to make sure they looked nice. At first she’d asked a goon to put the guests in their party clothes but he kept gagging and finally vomited on the carpet. It was ridiculous really, dressing them was just like playing with really heavy dolls. They hadn’t even been dead long enough to smell bad or anything like that. Apparently even no good hoodlum thugs could have delicate sensibilities. Harley was not so fragile; she dressed each one carefully and even took the time to make Barbara’s hair look extra special with an updo. Harley never liked the way she herself looked with her hair up like that but it suited the former Batgirl’s face shape. She hadn’t even had to change Alfred’s clothes, he looked so dapper to begin with. Jim Gordon had been in a suit too but it had been cheap and rumpled so he’d needed something nicer. And of course Robin hadn’t been dressed appropriately for such a formal event at all but he cleaned up real good. Harley was pleased with how they looked but she felt she should give herself a once over in the mirror to make sure she didn’t have lipstick on her teeth or anything.

When she looked in the mirror it made her head spin, like she couldn’t focus on herself. The dress she wore was beautiful, black and full skirted, it made her look like a dark princess. Her hair was loose and shiny, like golden silk. Her skin was its usual flawless ivory that begged to be stroked. It was when she came to her face that everything seemed off. She knew her make-up was a mess because she couldn’t seem to hold her hand still and every time she made eye contact with herself it felt like the floor tilted under her feet. She knew it was because her eyes were crazed, mad, and that looking into them, seeing the proof that she’d really lost it was too much for her. People had thought she was crazy before but that wasn’t true. You didn’t have to be crazy to love the Joker or to kill people. Those things were easy as pie. They said he drove her mad while he was her patient, no, he opened her eyes up to a lot of things but he didn’t take her sanity. And then they said she was crazy to stay with him after how he treated her. That would mean more if any of them really understood how he treated her or if they understood him but no one did. She hadn’t been crazy then. Codependent? Sure, she was codependent as fuck but never crazy. Not until they told her that he was dead. Oh god, the word made lightning fire off bolts of pain from her brain straight through to her heart. She laughed hysterically and then cried out in agony, clutching her stomach as it lurched at the hollow sickening sadness of a world without Mr. J in it.

He wasn’t. He couldn’t be. She’d prove it tonight. Bats would come to the party and then seeing the nice trap she’d set Mr. J would come back too, right in time to have some fun. That was how this universe worked, there could be no Batman without the Joker and no Joker without Batman. They couldn’t exist without each other. And Harley knew she wasn’t part of that equation. It should hurt her she guessed but she loved her Puddin’ too much to care. Maybe he could live without her, good. He should live forever, it didn’t matter that she couldn’t live without him. That’s how it was meant to be. And hey, she was still alive right? Proof that he must be too. He’d just gotten in a bad situation and needed to hide out for a few days she was sure. It worried her but she knew Mr. J could handle anything.  Or maybe he’d gotten bored and needed some time in Metropolis annoying Lex Luthor, that was so something her Puddin’ would do. Sure he usually would take her along for something like that but this time he hadn’t and that didn’t mean anything bad. It didn’t mean what they said was true. Harley’s spirit was starting to flag a little under the weight of constantly trying to stay cheerful about the situation but it really was either keep believing or just go absolutely mad with despair and sit in a corner babbling like a loon until some nice men in white coats came to take her away with a butterfly net.  She didn’t want that, Mr. J needed her to wait here for him, not off at Arkham Asylum.

A loud crashing sound announced the arrival of her next guest. Batman had blown open the gates with some Bat device or other. He needn’t have bothered, he was an invited guest after all, the gate was unlocked. Harley hurried into the room with her other guests and signaled to the goons to be ready to start serving before quickly turning on a playlist of suitable low key party music that would provide a lively atmosphere but still allow for conversation. Not that most of her guests were very talkative but she knew Bats well enough to know that there was going to be some sort of conversation. He and Mr. J sometimes talked more than they fought. None of that exactly made sense to Harley, she’d have rather just knocked the brooding bat over the head with a heavy mallet and been done with it but that’s why the Joker was in charge and not her. He understood the need for conversation between mortal enemies. He knew that killing Batman wasn’t really the thing to do even if Harley could never fully understand why herself. Well tonight she’d show Mr. J just how civil she could be, after all she needed Batman to stick around long enough for the Joker to show up and engage in another great encounter between the spirits of light and dark in this city. Not that a depressed dark knight was really any match for the clown prince of crime. Anyone could see that, anyone with a sense of humor anyway.

“Harley Quinn, let your hostages go now and turn yourself in. They have a cell all ready for you at Arkham.” Batman called out into the house, still hidden in the dark night just outside the door. He apparently didn’t realize that Harley hadn’t taken any hostages. She giggled a little at that. Then a strange thought caught her fancy. Maybe she should go to Arkham, that’s where she and Mr. J had met, where they had fallen in love all those years ago. Maybe he was already there waiting for her. No. She’d have heard if he was in Arkham. Super villains going in and out of Arkham was spread around like the weather report for people in Gotham. Strangers waiting at the bus stop speculated on the most recent break out by the Scarecrow or how long Poison Ivy would stay in this time the way in other cities they might talk about whether or not it would rain that weekend.

“Come in Batsy, the party is just getting started and you’re the guest of honor. All the guests are waiting for your arrival. Don’t worry, my goons have been ordered not to hurt you.” Harley called out in her friendliest tone.

She knew that Batman wouldn’t trust her and would enter the room like a ninja or something but she might as well try and make it easier for all of them. Instead of Batman taking up her invitation a smoke bomb rolled into the room. Harley sighed and pulled on a gas mask that she had in waiting just in case Batman hadn’t learned any manners since the last time she saw him. She heard trays crashing to the ground as her goons either threw them down as they cut and run or passed out if they were too close to the detonation of the smoke bomb. As soon as the greyish cloud of smoke thinned to mere wisps Batman strode powerfully into the room. That would be more impressive if he wasn’t planning to enter a room full of people passed out from his special Batbomb. Harley rolled her eyes and took off her mask. She wanted a good view for when Batman realized what was really happening here and even more importantly for when the Joker’s tall, thin form entered the scene. Her eyes were so hungry for the sight of him. That would have to wait, but Batman did not disappoint. At first he looked around the room to assess the situation and it looked like all was as he expected and he had the whole thing under control. Then his eyes stopped and focused on Alfred. It was easiest to tell he was dead because Harley had shot him right through the center of his forehead and his balding hairline didn’t hide anything. She’d cleaned up the blood that had run down his face but the bullet hole was still there. Batman’s face trembled as the muscles struggled to fight the urge to crumble under the weight of what he was seeing. His eyes quickly darted around to see that yes, each and every person he loved was sitting there with dead glassy eyes staring ahead at nothing. Harley could barely suppress her laughter but she did her best, though of course little snorts and hisses managed to escape. Batman’s eyes turned to her and tried to test out the possibility of looks being able to kill.

“What have you done?” Batman asked her in a tone so sad and serious that it almost sounded like he felt sorrier for her than for himself.

“Well Batsy, I had to make sure you’d show up. Mr. J’s been too busy to see me lately but I knew if I could get you here he’d come right away and you never take me seriously. You always act like I’m some wayward child under the influence of a manipulating parent but I’m my own woman, Bats. If I’m a bad girl it’s not right to blame my daddy. So now you know, I’m not a little doll that the Joker winds up and pushes in the right direction. And I’ll do anything it takes to be with my Puddin’.” Harley threw her shoulders back and held her head up proudly. She knew one thing for sure, no matter what else happened Batman would never give her that pitying look and try to save her from herself again. And she was right. The face turned from sorrow to pure unadulterated hate.

“The Joker is dead you mad, pathetic creature. I saw him, it was no trick. He’s gone. Forever. He’ll rot in the ground though god knows his mind was already rotted through long ago. You’re just the trash he’s left behind for me to clean up.”

It was clear he was taking pleasure in making sure she understood that her Joker was no more but Harley was not going to listen to him and his ugly lies. He’d say anything to try to get between her and Mr. J. Instead she ran toward him screeching in anger at the nasty things he had said about her Puddin’. She did a double flip and flew at Batman’s head, kicking and clawing at him as soon as she made contact. She normally would have a mallet or bat in her hand but that was when fighting was about fun. Nothing was fun without the Joker. Instead she had a small but sharp knife that she pulled out of her cleavage and started stabbing at any gaps in armor that she could find on the Batman. It missed more than it hit but from the red blood on the blade it had made it into his flesh at least a few times. Before she could hit anyplace fatal, Batman gathered her up and threw her across the room like she was an angry cat. He charged her and started kicking her ribs with his heavy boot. Harley hadn’t worn any type of armor, it didn’t look nice for a party, but she didn’t feel the pain for some reason. It was like she couldn’t feel anything without letting the pain of the Joker’s loss in too so her brain conspired with her body to keep out all feelings of any kind.  Experiencing the brutal kicks move her body up and back but not actually causing any pain made her laugh out loud. It was a mad high pitched laugh that was almost a shriek. When she started laughing Batman grabbed her by the arm and pulled her up, throwing her against the nearest wall and then wrapping his hand around her throat to choke her.

“You are going to pay for what you’ve done. You will pay in pain for every bit of sorrow you’ve ever caused.” Batman growled at her while shaking her hard enough to bang her head against the wall.

“You..can’t…get..blood…from..a…stone!” Harley sputtered out as she fought and pulled her way out of Batman’s grasp. “You think I have any pain left? You think I have anything left without him?”

Harley laughed again and then grabbed one of the hors d’oeuvres trays and used it to bust Batman in the teeth. Then as he threw his head back she slammed the edge of the tray into his throat. She hated how he was armored in so many places. Not like her Mr. J. He fought in a dapper suit, he took the pain and fought through it time and time again. Real heroes don’t hide behind masks. Real heroes don’t kick you when you’re down. They do what they believe is right and they transcend petty social rules about madness and violence. Mr. J would always be her knight in shining armor who saved her from a fate worse than death by letting her fight by his side. He’d pulled away the blinders and shown her the world the way it really was. Batman did everything he could to hide. He hid himself, he hid his loved ones, he hid behind a bullshit rule about not killing anyone even if people died from his actions all the time. There was no honesty there. He wasn’t the hero. He wasn’t the one who was supposed to be alive at the end. Mr. J was the one. He was her happy ending. And he wasn’t here so this must not be the ending. Harley was going to fight and fight until he was back with her where he belonged.

Batman’s mouth was bleeding and Harley could only hope he was choking on some of his teeth but he didn’t let it distract him for long. He punched her in the stomach and then grabbed the arm with the tray, yanking it out straight before slamming his fist down to snap the bone and break her arm. The tray clattered to the ground and Harley felt an electric fire of pain in her arm. She laughed at the feeling. It hurt like hell but it was the first pain that hadn’t been from her heart in days so she couldn’t help but like how that transference of pain lightened her spirit. Still, it really did hurt and after that moment she felt every punch and kick the vigilante delivered to her. She felt less miserable in her heart but the stone wall protecting it fell at the same time and with every blow from Batman it felt like he was nailing in the words “he’s dead” into her mind. She fought back as much as she could but moment by moment the Joker’s death seemed more real and her chances of winning this fight less and less likely. After a few more blows to the head she could barely remain conscious and she stopped fighting back altogether. If she had any fight left in her it wasn’t enough to work past the broken bones, bruises and blood. Finally Batman threw her to the ground and with one final kick to the stomach he turned and left.

“Yeah go on, get out of here before I bleed to death so you can keep telling yourself you never kill!” Harley shouted after him but she was able to get so little breath that her shout was barely more than a whisper.

Harley wasn’t sure how long she was unconscious but when she woke up she felt so very, very cold. She couldn’t feel her right arm at all and everything else felt like it was throbbing and swollen with pain. She tried to move but it was impossible, everything hurt. All of her was as broken as her heart. She sensed more than saw that someone was in the room with her, someone alive that is. If her nose wasn’t so swollen from being punched she probably would have smelled Red’s perfume before she saw a long lock of fiery hair in front of her eyes as her best friend kneeled down and started trying to stop whatever bleeding she could. It was too bad about her nose not working, Red always smelled so good, like flowers and sunshine. Harley realized that no matter what her friend did for her she would be better off dead. Batman wasn’t going to let her live even if Red had some sort of miracle cure in her various potions and concoctions she made with her plants. And even if Batman fell off the face of the earth Harley would still be better off dead because it seemed like maybe Mr. J really was dead. Not because Batman said so, he’d say anything to get her to turn against the Joker, but because he hadn’t come to her party and she’d planned it so perfectly she was sure her Puddin’ couldn’t resist it. He must really be gone. That thought opened up an imaginary forked path in her mind. One path was to go on fooling herself into believing he was alive and out there somewhere. That would be insane, she knew that but it would be a pleasant sort of insanity. She’d go on with the rest of her life trying to find him or find some way to bring him back to her. The other path was so much darker. If she accepted that he was truly gone then there was no coming back from that. There wasn’t a word that accurately described what would happen to her mind in that case. Madness was too gentle of a sentiment. She would be truly shattered and destroyed, alive or not.

“Let me die, Red. Just let me go or tell me he’s still alive but I can’t go on living in a world without him.” Harley pushed as much air out through her lungs as she could so that Poison Ivy would hear her. Red looked down at her for a moment, the look was like a mother trying to decide how best to care for her child.

“Of course he’s still alive, Harley. What could kill the Joker?” Poison Ivy said in a kind voice and then gathered Harley up gently and laid the broken harlequin’s head in her lap. She stroked Harley’s hair very softly and repeated herself. “What could possibly kill someone like the Joker?”

It was a kindness that reminded Harley that Red was truly the best friend she’d ever had. As much as this toxic villainess hated Mr. J and Harley’s fixation with him she was giving her hope and kindness now in what was probably her last few moments on earth. Harley smiled and relaxed. Ivy never lied to her, Mr. J was fine and he’d be home soon. She just needed to focus on healing up and getting better so that when her Puddin’ found her again she was his darling girl and not this crushed flower she felt like right now. Her head ached and pounded causing a loud thumping in her ears that she knew was her heart beat. But then the pounding got louder and slower and it sounded like Mr. J’s steps. Maybe he was coming home after all and was just late for the party! Harley couldn’t sit up, it hurt too bad but she did her best to lift her head and look around. The room was still festively decorated in purple and green for the party but in her confusion the colors made it seem like Mr. J was everywhere and nowhere. She felt her heart leap in her chest with excitement and she did her best to smile. Ignoring the sound of Red quietly crying over her, she drew in as much air as her damaged ribs would let her and called out so he could find her.

“Puddin’?!”


End file.
